Boundaries

I’ve been thinking a lot about boundaries: how to set them and how to keep them.

This can be a really difficult thing to do. I worry about not being a “team player” or acting “selfish” when I set my boundaries and stick to them.  But in reality, no one (other than my husband) is going to look out for my best interests except for me.  Of course my friends and family love me, but they are also looking out for their best interests, and I want them to.  I want them to have their own set of boundaries and stick to them.  And when I stick to mine, I hope they will be happy for me, in the same way I will be happy for them when they stick to theirs.

Many of you know that I work three jobs, two of which have me on call every minute of my life.  It’s difficult to make plans, or go out of town, or get the combination of strep throat/migraine/body aches/fever that I had this week.  My third job is a little more 9-5, but not really because I think it about it all of the time.

You know what else I think about all of the time?

The fact that these jobs take up so much of my life and energy and I don’t even have kids yet.  And I hear those little dudes will require time and energy that I can’t even imagine….

It’s hard (read: scary) for me to imagine how I will do all of this and be a mom…a wife…a sister…a daughter…a doula…a childbirth educator…a friend…an aunt…a grand daughter…a niece…an individual…

Is that even possible? Other people have much steeper hills to climb and they do it…right?

Of course I have the most amazing partner on the planet, but he also has three jobs, and dreams, and so on.

This wheel of worry can move pretty fast once it gets to spinning, so for my first trick, I am setting this boundary:

“Kate will not allow worry and doubt to consume her because it serves no purpose”

And then immediately I will amend that boundary to read:

“Kate will be a human being and occasionally worry and doubt, but she will take deep breaths and remember that things work out as they are meant to, and that she must be very, very kind to herself.” 

So, I am new to this boundary setting thing, but I do believe that a big part of this is putting myself in the driver’s seat, and as the driver, I can change the direction as I see fit.  I believe that taking care of myself so that I can be an amazing wife/sister/daughter/friend/employee/doula/educator/aunt/grand daughter/niece/individual/eventual mom is good for everyone involved, and if that is seen as selfish…well, okay.  I guess I would rather been seen as “selfish” than a total crazy person, because that is what I will become if I don’t take care of myself.  And no one wants to see Krazy Kate.  And I do mean NO ONE.

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May 11, 2012. Uncategorized.

3 Comments

  1. mkatiecanavan replied:

    This is so important and I’m so glad you are brave enough to put it out there in the world! Do not go KRAZY, and please take care of yourself. Also, ps, I also had migraines all week! It must be the weather, or that crazy triple-orgasm moon. I hope you feel better soon!

  2. Lish replied:

    (1) It was strep??? Too much fun and sugar for poor Katy.
    (2) You can really only take of you before you begin to take care of someone/something else – keep the lanes of communication open with Buck and try not to feel guilty about it. “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

  3. Sarah replied:

    Hope you’re feeling 100% better and know that you are not alone in these questionings. I like to think that there are different seasons of life, and we can’t be every person in every season, and we can’t do everything in every season… we can only do what we can when we can in the season in which we find ourselves currently. All that is to say: you will still be amazing, but boundaries will be vital. Here if you need me… :)

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