Boundaries

I’ve been thinking a lot about boundaries: how to set them and how to keep them.

This can be a really difficult thing to do. I worry about not being a “team player” or acting “selfish” when I set my boundaries and stick to them.  But in reality, no one (other than my husband) is going to look out for my best interests except for me.  Of course my friends and family love me, but they are also looking out for their best interests, and I want them to.  I want them to have their own set of boundaries and stick to them.  And when I stick to mine, I hope they will be happy for me, in the same way I will be happy for them when they stick to theirs.

Many of you know that I work three jobs, two of which have me on call every minute of my life.  It’s difficult to make plans, or go out of town, or get the combination of strep throat/migraine/body aches/fever that I had this week.  My third job is a little more 9-5, but not really because I think it about it all of the time.

You know what else I think about all of the time?

The fact that these jobs take up so much of my life and energy and I don’t even have kids yet.  And I hear those little dudes will require time and energy that I can’t even imagine….

It’s hard (read: scary) for me to imagine how I will do all of this and be a mom…a wife…a sister…a daughter…a doula…a childbirth educator…a friend…an aunt…a grand daughter…a niece…an individual…

Is that even possible? Other people have much steeper hills to climb and they do it…right?

Of course I have the most amazing partner on the planet, but he also has three jobs, and dreams, and so on.

This wheel of worry can move pretty fast once it gets to spinning, so for my first trick, I am setting this boundary:

“Kate will not allow worry and doubt to consume her because it serves no purpose”

And then immediately I will amend that boundary to read:

“Kate will be a human being and occasionally worry and doubt, but she will take deep breaths and remember that things work out as they are meant to, and that she must be very, very kind to herself.” 

So, I am new to this boundary setting thing, but I do believe that a big part of this is putting myself in the driver’s seat, and as the driver, I can change the direction as I see fit.  I believe that taking care of myself so that I can be an amazing wife/sister/daughter/friend/employee/doula/educator/aunt/grand daughter/niece/individual/eventual mom is good for everyone involved, and if that is seen as selfish…well, okay.  I guess I would rather been seen as “selfish” than a total crazy person, because that is what I will become if I don’t take care of myself.  And no one wants to see Krazy Kate.  And I do mean NO ONE.

May 11, 2012. Uncategorized. 3 comments.

Happy Birthday

Today is my 30th Birthday.

It’s a day that I have been looking forward to for a long time.  Some people get anxious about turning 30.  I did not.  Why?  Because I have witnessed the awesome power of the 30’s in my friends that have gone before me.  The 30’s have been good to so many amazing women in my life and they laid the foundation for my belief that the 30’s are nothing to fear.  In fact, they are to be revered, and so I do.  Revere them, that is.

Today is also my baby sisters 24th birthday.

When I turned 6 years old, I got a baby sister for my birthday.  Yes, I chose it, and yes I was a little bummed when I realized I wouldn’t be getting a birthday party, but in spite of that, she was, and still is, the best present I ever received.

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I learned so much from being a big sister, particularly HER big sister.  Amy was always a really creative, sensitive, and strong willed kid.  When our older sister, Chris, moved out, Amy cried for days and said one of my favorite lines of all time: “It feels like a piece of my heart is missing.”  I mean, come ON!  How cute is that?!  It took all I had to nod knowingly and not burst out laughing at the adorableness of a 5 year old saying that.

At night, when I would tuck her in, she would ask me to give her a dream and I would whisper in her ear all the fun things I could think of- flying, fairies, talking animals.  We also made up a series of kisses that we would do at night, all based off the classic Eskimo Kiss (where you rub noses):

  • Bunny Kiss: this was a wrinkling of the noses will kissing cheeks
  • Lion Kiss: rubbing cheeks together
  • Chicken Kiss: jutting our heads forward while giving quick kisses, like pecking each others faces, but with kisses
  • Butterfly Kiss: fluttering eye lashes on each others’ cheeks
  • and our favorite:
  • Bumble Bee Kiss: doing a series of three kisses on each cheek while making a humming/buzzing sound

To this day, we still sign cards and emails with “BBK” for Bumble Bee Kisses, and it makes me so happy.

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A regular ole kiss on the cheek

Amy recently reminded me that I used to hang a sign in her bedroom that counted down the days until our birthday.

Ames- there are ZERO days until our birthday! Today is our day, and although we aren’t celebrating in person, I know that we are always connected. Sometimes it feels like a piece of MY heart is missing because we are so far apart, but I am so glad that you are that piece of my heart.  You are one of my favorite people in the world and I am so proud to be your sister.

Oh, and I didn’t get you a card, so… you know, pretend this is it, okay?

I love you.

BBK,

KT

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At the Taste of Chicago

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With my sisters at my rehearsal dinner

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Safety first!

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First time Amy came out to a bar with her older sisters =)

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Silly faces

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Twins six years apart- even when we sleep

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Amy came to support me at both the Chicago marathons I ran.

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Amy’s bachelorette party

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Passed out after a fun wedding

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Sistersssss

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The night Amy and Tommy got engaged

May 4, 2012. family, Friendship, sisters. Leave a comment.

katyamy

katyamy

May 4, 2012. Uncategorized. 1 comment.