Finding Bliss

I got a beautiful card in the mail today from my love, Zac, and the front reads:

“It is never too late to be what you might have been” – George Elliot

The inside has all sorts of beautiful words that I am not sure I am worthy of, but I love them.  Zac knows me well and and in the cards he writes, “This time in your life, studying to be a Doula, is the first time I’ve known you to have found your bliss.  The moment I knew it was true?  When you said LA wasn’t so bad because of it.” That part made me giggle a little bit because of it’s truth, and also because it’s such an LA thing to say- and he lives in Philly!  Finding my bliss was not necessarily what I set out to do with this, but it didn’t take long to realize that it was exactly what was happening.

Working with Tara and Steve was a truly wonderful learning experience.  I have many good friends that have become parents over the last four years, and watching them go through pregnancy and become parents has taught me so much.  Each parent I know has such a unique perspective after seeing their child born.  Getting to see the reactions of Tara and Steve as the birth was happening was truly amazing.  I found myself watching them as Caden came out- much the same way I watch the GROOM as the Bride walks down the aisle.  The amazement on their faces was beautiful.  I thought I would cry, but I didn’t.  I couldn’t!  I was…in bliss!

I jokingly told Tara that she was making it look too easy- that I just wanted to run home to my husband and make one of them there babies.  She didn’t believe me, but it’s true!  She put in a solid workday, laboring from 9am-4pm- and was rewarded with the best paycheck.  We worked on her breathing for the majority of the time, and once she found her rhythm, there was no stopping her.

On my way to the hospital I tried to think of encouraging words and phrases to say, but you know what?  I didn’t use any of them.  Instead, I cleared my head and let the moment inspire me.  During one particular contraction, I said to Tara, “Dig in, Dig, Dig, yes- Dig!”  Afterward, I wondered to myself where that came from, and typing it out now it sounds kind of lame.  But in the moment she looked to me like she was digging way down deep inside to find the strength, find the courage, and find her breath, and so I went with it.  I have no idea if it was the “right” thing to say, and normally I worry about that kind of thing, but there was no time.  It was liberating to just let go and speak from my guts.

I want to say this: the placenta is a magical thing.  Ma-gi-CAL!

Tara’s placenta came out about 15 minutes after Caden, which is on the fast side of average.  The nurse put it in a container and I couldn’t take my eyes off of it- it was so beautiful!  Before she took it away, the nurse pulled up the sides of the amniotic sac, which attaches to it, and showed me the two layers.  AH-MAY-ZING.  They looked so soft, yet sturdy- his perfect home for 9 months!  I didn’t expect to be so affected by the placenta of all things, but I find myself so inspired by the way the body just knows what to do for the baby, and how resilient the baby is. If you think about it, there are a lot of traumatic things going on during a birth, yet the baby stays calm while mom works harder than she ever has in her life.

I am forever changed by this experience and I can’t wait to see what kind of little boy Caden grows into.  Tara and Steve are so full of love and care for their new fella and I know that they too have found their bliss in Caden.

Beautiful New Mama

Happy Dad!

Lucky Doula!